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Ah, the peaceful, calming waters of Lac Bernard. I love spending time at my sister Sylvia’s cottage just outside Ottawa, in the Gatineaus. Sun shining, clear waters and the loons at night. Such a relaxing time. We try to go once/year and when we do, Norah plays the gooseberry and comes with us….along with her latest pet.
Cole, a rather large, heavyset, black Labrador Retriever was with us on this one particular visit. In the morning we went for a long walk around the neighbourhood with Cole occasionally glancing back at me. He seemed fine during his walks but any time we got near the dock, Cole would give me a look – his mesmeric eyes, his tongue hanging to one side and his breath, oh the breath. He sounded like a fire-breathing dragon.
During one of our walks on a day when it was particularly hot and muggy, Cole would again turn around and look at me every so often. I felt sorry for him in the heat and suggested we take a shortcut through the trees to get to the dock quicker so he could cool off. I had forgotten about the unknown sexual connection Cole had to the dock but as soon as we walked onto it, he took one look at me, licked his lips, started panting and I knew I what he wanted. I’d seen that look earlier. Beneath his massive girth what looked like a pink lipstick tube was beginning to rise from it’s package! Look out! Here he comes!
I ran to the end of the dock and dove into the lake to escape him….to my surprise he jumped in after me! Laughing the entire time, while finding it hard to stay above the water, Cole chased me around the dock. There was no stopping him! When he would reach me, he’d claw at my back and fearing I’d be pulled under him, I turned to head back to the ladder. Just as I was climbing out he got me from behind. He was clawing at my back then put one paw on each shoulder and proceeded to have his way with me. Holding onto the bars of the ladder, I laughed so hard I ended up bending over, which only added to Cole’s enjoyment! I felt violated and had scratch marks all over my back (not erotic like in a 50 Shades of Grey kind of way). I thought he’d had enough of me but apparently not. I tried to sit on a deck chair and he humped me again trying to finish what he’d started. One thing about him though, he wasn’t choosy…. first my left leg, then my right. I barely had the strength to push him off and I could see the lipstick in full view! I jumped up and did what any man would have done after such an experience….had a beer…. and maybe if I smoked, a cigarette would have been in order.
That evening we thought we’d capture a romantic silhouette photo while the sun was setting. Just as Allana and I sat down (cue theme from Jaws!) I could see the black mass approaching us from the corner of my eye! Before I could prepare myself, he was on me again! “Get off me!” I screamed. Never have I had to fight off such an amorous suitor!
What was it about the dock that made Cole so frisky? We’ll never know as poor Cole is now lying on the great dock in the sky. I am now grateful that Norah has now chosen a VERY small dog as her new pet.
troubleswithtrevor 